"Life can only be understood backwards - but must be lived forwards."



Monday, February 16, 2009

iTunes

If you even know me slightly - you know that music is a huge part of my life. Formerly (and maybe again someday) it was part of my job - which was fantastic. It has always been a huge part of who I am and how I live my life. Most people know this about me and know how much music drives me and really is what gets me through it all.
With that said - I have been a horrible iTunes/iPod owner lately. Its honestly been close to a year since I updated my ipod. For whatever reason, I've just been slacking at it. Partly because of my laptop troubles and lack of internet at my apartment. No excuses - I've decided.
So, when I
was planning my night tonight, which I'm very excited about, I decided I would gather all of the CDs in my car and start adding them to my iTunes and eventually my iPod. With all of these changes going on, I'm really feeling like I need to start doing things like this. It may not seem like a big deal - but little by little, the more I organize my life and myself, it really helps me overall. Especially with me making the change of moving, it is good for me to start doing organizing even small things, just to get me into the mood and remind myself how good it feels to do these things. So here I am - on my favorite couch, with my laptop in front of me, my ice water to my right and a bag of cds on my left. I am ready to start organizing my music and make it more accessible.
This could honestly take me a really long time to put all of my CDs on my iTunes. Again, if you even casually know me, you will know how much music I consume and surround myself with. As I'm just sitting here in my living room - I look over to where my broken stereo sits and look underneath it and see piles
and piles of CDs (most of them mine). So much music I've forgotten about. And let me tell you, there is nothing better than finding an old CD, listening to the music and bringing you back. It is purely magical.
Just an example of the diversity of music in my life...I will name off some artists and CDs that are on or await
ing to be on my iTunes...
-Disney's Greatest Hits Vol. 3
-Sex and the City: The Movie Soundtrack Vol. 1








-Backstreet Boys - Unbreakable
-John Mayer - Continuum








-Rent
-Billy Joel - Greatest Hits
-Raul Midon
- State of Mind







-Ultimate Dance Party Mix
-Bob Schneider
-Avenue Q Soundtrack








There is so so SO much more and I could go on and on about how fabulous my music makes me feel. Music is something so personal to me. And it should be to anyone. It is the most personal thing because you pick exactly what you like and what you don't like. It is your personal choice for what moves you and what makes your heart happy. I've felt so privileged to have discovered so many different kinds of music and tastes in music. I love sharing it with other people and I love connecting with people through music.
Music is a part of my heart and soul - always has been, always will be.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Good Morning Starshine

The Earth says Hello!

So I'm at Caribou this morning getting a delicious vanilla latte and piece of banana bread. As I'm looking around I see one man enjoying his morning cup 'o joe and reading a book. He looks to be maybe late 40s early 50s - and I started to wonder what he does for a living that he is able to enjoy this time. Next to him was a man and a woman who seemed to be working. The woman was on an Apple laptop (which also made me think about how much I want an apple laptop) and I was curious as to what they were working on. I'm always intrigued to find out what people's deals are - what their story is. Someday when I'm brave enough I will walk up to someone at a coffee shop and ask them what their deal is. lol
People have so much going on in their lives that you would NEVER know at first glance. I wish it wasn't socially inappropriate to go up to strangers and just start asking them questions about their lives....I think it would be interesting and I think we could learn a lot about others and ourselves.

On that note - job update 2009: I got a new job! HOO-RAH!
Now some people might think I'm crazy being excited for my new job because of where and what it is - but they can suck it. Seriously.
My new job is working at the MN Department of Revenue as an Office and Administrative Specialist - Intermediate for the Corporate Tax Division. Now for those of you who do not know, I actually worked there for about a year, a couple years ago. When this job opening was out there, I emailed me old co-worker and found out that this job opening was her former job because she was just promoted. She talked to her old supervisor about me and put in a good word. She helped me through the process and gave me great advice for the interview. She emailed me soon after to let me know that 457 people applied for this job! 457!!!! But that I was chosen for an interview! I took the math, grammar and typing tests and passed and had my interview. That was last Friday and then on Tuesday afternoon I got a call saying that they would like to offer me the job!!! It was so surreal! So two days ago I wrote up my resignation letter and told my boss I was leaving. For as nervous as I was to go in and tell her - it felt AMAZING!!! For once I had the upper hand and felt in control of the situation with her. She was totally shocked and didn't really have much to say. Since then she has barely said two words to me. Its awesome. She has no more power over me and I feel free at work for the first time in a year. Since word here spreads like wildfire - people have been coming up to me and congratulating me and everything. And in them asking me about my new job most have asked why I'm leaving. I have felt very relieved about the fact that almost every person I've talked to has commented about not blaming me for wanting to leave since I work for Claudia (my boss/supervisor/headcase) - they have totally understood and have said that they couldn't work with her. lol So at least that confirms the fact that I'm not crazy and it is pretty apparent who she is, how she works with others and how she is persieved. So, I feel good about leaving. haha
So I know my job may sound so boring that you want to die - but I promise you, compared to what I'm dealing with right now, it sounds heavenly to me. I actually had one person say to me (when I told her where and what I was going to be doing) she told me that it sounded like the most boring thing ever. Seriously - who says that to someone? Especially when they are excited about it? People are really inconsiderate. Anywho - the fact is, I'm excited because this job will be so much more independant than my current job. I won't feel like I have to constantly check in with my supervisor and that they will actually trust me as a competent individual. I will have my own work to do - I will have my own space to do it in and I will actually feel like I'm doing something and contributing. That is something I do not have currently. It will also be STABLE! Which is huge right now since Rian and I are buying a house - I can't risk having a chance that I'll get laid off - and there would be a definite chance at tpt. Not messing with that at all. The biggest thing right now in having a new job is not stressing about work when I'm not there. I think about work all of the time and it really gets to me. I worry about being there even when I'm not there. I hate it. I am ready to have a job that I can leave everything there and not think about things and worry about things. It has put a damper on my entire life and I'm sick of it. I'm excited to have this new opportunity where I'm not anxious before, during and after work - so that i can put more energy into other things in my life. I've been thinking about possibly taking a class in the fall. Things like that that I can do in order to make steps towards really figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. Its been hard feeling like I can do that and feel good about it, when my work situation has been so miserable and hopeless. Once I can get in a better mindset about things - I feel like I can really dig into things and explore what I'm meant to do. Obviously, I don't think I'm going to be working at Revenue forever - but I think it will be a safe place for me to feel good about work, my co-workers and figuring out what I really want to do. Not to mention, I already have friends there - friends that I know I already connect with. And I know there are other good people to be working with - and that makes a WORLD of difference. If the people around you are good at work - it makes time fly and work that much more bareable.
So that is my great news - after blog after blog of me bitching about work - if anyone actually reads all of it - I have finally found an out and am moving on.
I know I'm not crazy for wanting to find a place to work where I know I'm an asset and am appreciated. All I can say is that tpt missed out on an incredibly intelligent person who could have really made a different. Their loss and the State of MN's gain! lol
Okay - I'll stop rambling now - but it feels good to get this information out.

Onto bigger and better things........new job, new baby (SOON hopefully!) and new house (sometime in the near future)! For someone who doesn't like change - there are a lot of POSITIVE changes happening - so I'm going to focus on that.

My final parting words are this........I heard this quote on the Real World - Brooklyn last night from one of the housemates and it really stuck with me as something I need to hold true to and remember -
"Never value the opinions of those you don't respect."
Pretty wise for a Real World person - but something that is very important to me coming from feeling bad about myself b/c of what someone else's opinion (that I don't even like) has been telling me. Not worth it when they are someone you don't respect.
Don't let anyone bring you down when you know what is really known to be true.

Peace and Hair Grease.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Time

Time and time again....it never fails....confusion ensues...and so it goes on...

That's just how I feel sometimes. I talk and talk and talk and make no sense - just going on and on spewing craziness. I guess I've spewed a lot worse things than craziness, so that should be okay.
So right now I am completely feeling in limbo for a number of reasons.... I hate my work/job situation right now. I am completely in limbo because right now at work I'm working 20 hours down at the front desk answering phones, greeting guests, etc. and the other half I am up at my regular desk doing my regular job. So I'm feeling a little off just having two different jobs I'm really doing. Within all of that, I've been lucky enough to have a couple job opportunities to present themselves as possibilities (if they think I'm the right one), but with all of that, I've
been stressed out with taking time off during the day to be able to interview and things and it is just stressing me out completely. It is a bit complicated because I am also taking Family Leave pretty soon to be with my sister for about a week after the baby is born since Bryan will be busy working. So I'll be taking a significant amount of time off pretty soon - and also unsure of when exactly all of that will be happening. I'm know I'm lucky that people here are flexible and understanding in my situation - but this is also my time off that I'm taking. Basically my Family Leave thing that I had to have Eliz's doctor sign basically let's me use my sick time when I take time off to help her out. So either way. Its just a complicated mess but I would go through it all again in order to make sure I get to help out my sister.

I'm definitely feeling in limbo these days because I feel like I'm constantly on call and waiting for my sister to call me and tell me she is in labor. She already scared the crap out of me last Thursday night when she called me at 11pm saying that she had been having contractions for a couple hours and they were 10 minutes apart - and to just keep my phone near by just in case. So I freaked out, starting packing my overnight bag and started charging
my camera battery! lol That night I didn't get ANY sleep! lol I was thinking the whole night that at any moment the phone would ring and I would be on my way to Chester the Molester. But no such luck. Now, though, I feel like I'm still on call for the next couple weeks and cannot make any solid plans. I follow everything up with - there is a chance I won't be there b/c I'll be in Rochester while Elizabeth is in labor or for the week after. lol It is crazy - but I can't believe that it is almost time! I keep wondering to myself what that little boy is going to look like. Will he have a big head? (hopefully not for Eliz's sake) Will he have chubby little legs? (Gosh I hope so) Will he be long? What will his smile look like? These are all things I will soon find out! hehe Let's just say I'm pretty much the most excited Auntie that ever lived. And anyone else can challenge that - I will stand my ground. hehe

I'm also feeling limbo'ish with my living situation. As of February 1st, Laura and I gave our 2 months notice. Since Rian and I are deep into the house hunting and are st
ill a couple weeks out from actually considering putting any offers in - by April 1st there is not way we will actually have a house. So its off to live with a couple of my former roommates - that's right - Mom and Dad. I'm shackin up with my parents again. Hopefully for the last time. haha I figure that since my parents are very generous in the fact that I would save a TON of money by not paying rent or utilities or food - this would help Rian and I out SO MUCH! I can put up with living with my rents for a couple months in order for things to be a little financially better for us. So I'll be packing up and getting ready to move in two months. I"ll make this a gradual move that way I don't have to move everything in one weekend - I hate that. Plus, I will have the entire upstairs of my parents house as my domain - and yes I will fill it up. So from April on I will be living with my parents and anxiously awaiting me and Rian's move into our new house. I cannot wait!

I only wish that I was as good as dealing with being/feeling in limbo as I am at the fun party game of limbo.